Fear a cheating spouse? Author gives tips to check

NEW YORK Mon Apr 16, 2007 8:21am EDT

NEW YORK (Reuters Life!) - Worried about why your partner is always working late? Suspicious about repeated hang-ups on the answer machine? Dismayed by a dwindling interest in sex?

It could be just job pressures, wrong numbers and a low libido, or your spouse could be cheating, according to author Robert C. DeMoulin who has written a new book, "Exposing Infidelity," to help worried partners tell the difference.

DeMoulin told Reuters that the book not only reveals what signs to look but also includes evidence-finder software to provide proof:

Q: What made you write this book?

A: "About a year ago I was sitting in a restaurant with a friend and I overheard three or four guys talking about how they were cheating on their wives and got away with it. One of them said, 'Hey, someone should write a book about how to cheat.' I thought that was kind of interesting but really bad karma. But what about the reverse -- writing a book about how to catch someone who is cheating. I started researching it and here it is."

Q: How easy was it to write?

A: "It was more difficult than it might seem. I created an advertisement and recruited people who claimed to have had an affair for more than a year. Interviewing them and learning how they had done it, how they kept it a secret and some of the techniques they had used forms the core content of the book. It was fascinating to research."

Q: So how do you spot a cheating spouse?

A: "The first section of the book is about 14 common signs of infidelity -- things like he or she stops wearing their wedding ring, desiring sex less, taking more business trips or working late more often.

Maybe one of them by itself is not an indication that something is going wrong, but two or three of them happening simultaneously is when the red flag comes up.

The next stage talks about how some of the common cheating techniques occur. People who cheat on business trips or who use a long commute to cheat. Each of those techniques is explored and ideas are presented for easy ways to catch them."

Q: What are some of the ways to catch a cheating spouse?

A: "For example, if someone is cheating on a business trip some of the things that I suggest someone could try are doing a bed check by calling the hotel to see if they are really there. If you suspect someone is with them, say 'I love you' to see if they will say it back. If they are with someone else it is probably not something they would say."

Q: Do cheaters always get caught?

A: "No. A surprising number do not. In fact, of the 33 people, men and women, that I interviewed for the book they were all classified as a successful cheater -- meaning they had carried on an affair for a year or more and had never gotten caught."

Q: What is the evidence finder-software?

A: "This is a book plus software for catching infidelity. Evidence finder will scan the computer's hard drive to look for deleted e-mails, deleted pictures, all sorts of deleted files. If someone was using e-mail to communicate with a lover, it would be able to recover those deleted e-mails.

This book is designed for someone who suspects there is cheating going on but are having difficulty proving it or gathering evidence to substantiate it."

Q: Is cheating more prevalent among men or women?

A: "Believe it or not, it is almost evenly spilt."

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