REFILE-WEALTH MANAGER-Planning key for family wealth meetings

* Meet key family members to set meeting agenda

* Meet individuals to defuse flash points

* Bring in facilitators to keep family meetings on track

(Refiles to correct spelling of defuse in bullet point)

By Helen Kearney

NEW YORK, Sept 7 (Reuters) - Financial advisers to ultra-wealthy families often have a tough task helping family members communicate and keeping inheritance battles out of the courtroom.

Arranging a well-structured family meeting, where multiple generations meet to discuss investment issues, can help. But it involves more than simply booking a conference room and sending out invites.

Advisers first need to meet a smaller group of key family members to prepare an agenda and discuss potential bones of contention that may arise.

"If there is a minefield out there, it shouldn't be something that comes up in the midst of a family meeting. You don't want to embarrass someone in a group context," said Elizabeth Munson, head of wealth management services at Rockefeller Financial.

To avoid that advisers can recommend setting up individual meetings with some family members to iron out issues before the main family meeting.

Family offices specialize in advising wealthy families that may have hundreds of millions of dollars supporting several generations. They are lucrative clients, but family dynamics and sibling squabbles can cause significant challenges for advisers.

Rick Pitcairn, chief investment officer of Pitcairn Family Office, stressed the need for a smaller group to steer the meetings and keep participants on track.

Some 300 descendants of John Pitcairn, founder of the Pittsburgh Plate Glass Co -- now PPG Industries Inc (PPG.N) -- are clients of the office.

"It's hard to hear from all of them in a meeting, but we can communicate with them through a family council," said Pitcairn.

The council is made up of 12 to 14 Pitcairn family members who oversee decision making and then communicate with different branches of the family between meetings. Since the family counsel was established in 1982, around 70 different family members have served on it, said Pitcairn.

Advisers also said it is a good idea to hire a professional facilitator to lead meetings, set ground rules and make sure the family members stick to the agenda without worrying about upsetting the clients.

"Advisers joke they're happy for me to take on the risks of this role because they can always get rid of me and keep the client," said Daisy Medici, director of family governance at GenSpring Family Offices in Palm Beach Gardens, Florida, a unit of SunTrust Banks Inc (STI.N).

Medici said she emphasizes the need for everyone to listen to each other and be mindful of sticking to the agenda. One trick is to create a "parking lot" for issues raised during the meeting, but not on the agenda. "Parked" issued can be discussed at a later date.

"High-net-worth families can be very self-focused. If you let them go off track for an hour, they will," she said.

That said, other family members should not be completely boxed out. Before the meeting, advisers can circulate an anonymous survey asking family members to raise issues they want to discuss, said Holly Isdale, a managing director at New York-based wealth adviser Bessemer Trust.

"If a number of family members want to hear about an issue, then we can tell the key people that they need to address it," she said.

In addition to preparation, advisers need to show plenty of patience when dealing with wealthy families.

"With families there is particular emotional baggage," said Rockefeller's Munson. "You can't just go in thinking these are adults and they should be acting like adults." (Reporting by Helen Kearney; editing by Andre Grenon)