Charlie Sheen Roast: Liveblogging Seth MacFarlane, Mike Tyson and #winning
10:20 p.m. PT: Patrice O'Neal caps off the roast by calling William Shatner an a--hole, comparing Mike Tyson to Muhammad Ali and asking Steve-O to relapse.
That Ali comparison? It's because white people grew comfortable with both of them.
The best part of the bit? "I respect Charlie Sheen. Not his body of work, it's all been like 'yeah really?' It's all been very Christian Slater-ish. He sucks but he's good but he sucks at the same time."
Oh, and add O'Neal to the list of those who ragged on Emilio Estevez. In the spirit of "A Night at the Roxbury," Emiiiilio!
10:10 p.m. PT: And William Shatner brings some trace of real comedy back to the stage. He hit a lull in the middle, but there were genuinely funny jokes for the first time in quite a while.
He started off with a bang, telling the audience to "Keep it going for Chaz Bono" in reference ot Set MacFarlane.
He then asked Sheen why they look like they went to high school together, and referred to him as both "Carlos" and "Emilio."
Other memorable jokes?
He said Jeselnik looked like a more feminine version of Rachel Maddow and gave Sheen some incomparable advice: "As one rocketman to another, if I may give you my most important piece of advice tonight, never ever forget to book your next rehab stay through priceline.com."
What did that plug get Shatner? He says $65.
9:50 p.m. PT: Amy Schumer just did her set, which was marginally better than Steve-O's. For those keeping score at home, that means she had a joke or two that people liked.
Perhaps the best was asking for an interpreter when Mike Tyson said something, which would have been useful for part of his set as well.
She did add sleeping with Charlie Sheen to her bucket list, as in a man she'd sleep with if he wore a bucket. Good one Amy.
9:41 p.m. PT: Steve-O's attempt at stand-up does not warrant a post. He shoved Mike Tyson's fist in his face, used the phrase "cum dumpster" and had everyone shaking their head knowing that was the dumbest act they've heard in a while.
9:30 p.m. PT: Comedian Anthony Jeselnik just delivered the least politically correct set so far -- and it isn't even close.
Among his jokes? Telling Sheen the only reason he got on TV in the first place is because God hates Michael J. Fox and another one making reference to Casey Anthony's child.
Beyond that, forgettable.
9:20 p.m. PT: Mike Tyson decided to steer the roast in a new direction with his poetry jam, only his poetry was a bit of a disaster.
He landed a few great jokes, like saying Seth MacFarlane stole from Homer (aka "The Simpsons") and telling Jeffrey Ross he wanted to bite his own ears off during Ross' performance.
Beyond that? Making the same jokes about other people and very few real jokes about Sheen. Just lots of hoes. And more hoes.
9:00 p.m. PT: Roastmaster General Jeffrey Ross raised the bar for those that follow, especially since he focused more on Sheen rather than his fellow roasters.
Ross started with politics, comparing the dais of nobodies to the Republican presidential candidates, and later asked Charlie "How did you go from being TV’s highest paid actor to the highest actor on TV?"
The jokes improved from there, with a few of these gems:
"Charlie if you were winning there's something wrong with the f---ing scoreboard."
"If you were winning then this must not be a child's custody hearing. The only time your kids get to see you is in re-runs."
There was a comparison of Sheen ex-Bree Olson's private parts to a Chilean mine and some more ribbing of "Two and a Half Men," and then this quip about Mike Tyson: "The ironic thing is after all those faces you abshed in the one you fucked up most is your own." Just wait for Iron Mike to take the stage.
8:45 p.m. PT: Why is Kate Walsh here? Because everyone thinks she is a doctor and Sheen might need one. Some of her jokes really bombed -- prompting her to say it is not her night -- but she hit a groove later on.
The real winner?
"Despite all those years of abusing your lungs, liver" and other organs, "the only thing you’ve had removed is your kids."
8:25 p.m. PT: Jon Lovitz just wrapped up a set that drew a mix of big laughs and cringes (either because the joke failed or was seen as going too far).
Lovitz said Sheen is "nothing like character he plays on TMZ" and then jabbed Sheen about drugs, prostitutes and...more drugs and prostitutes.
"How can you tell when Charlie Sheen's high? He's awake."
"How much blow can Charlie Sheen do? Enough to kill two and a half men"
"CBS paid him 50 milion and he still sued the network."
"When they renegotiated his contract [for "Two and a Half Men"] they said 'It's drugs or hookers. We're not paying for both."
8:20 p.m. PT: MacFarlane is really going morbid in his opening speech, making endless references to Charlie's impending death. Beyond that, jokes about cocaine, sexual organs and Sheen's career.
"It's pretty clear Sheen won't remember anything from the night. Lovitz fill him in on whatd he missed -- like his 50s."
"How do you get fired from "Two and a Half Men?" Do they haul you in and say sorry you don’t suck enough?"
8:10 p.m. PT: MacFarlane goes after the roasters, telling Mike Tyson to fix his teeth, asking Kate Walsh why she is there -- again -- and then making a comment about Brooke Mueller and a knife.
8:07 p.m. PT: MacFarlane says Sheen's funeral on "Two and a Half Men" will be followed by his actual death in two months. He then presents a fake obit, saying it is the same as that of Amy Winehouse save the gender, location of the body and part about Winehouse having talent.
8:00 p.m.: Just showed the introduction with a "Crazy Train" theme song.
7:57 p.m. PT: Though the Roasters are on stage, the roast has not begun. Mike Tyson and William Shatner kill time by talking about...Star Trek? Boxing? No, revisionist historian Howard Zinn.
7:45 p.m. PT: As the guests come out, MacFarlane wonders why "Private Practice" star Kate Walsh is here...and then Jeffrey Ross appeared in his Muammar Qaddafi outfit. Oh lord.
7:42 p.m. PT: Seth MacFarlane starts off by saying Comedy Central is too cheap to get a hype man and wonders the same question TheWrap asked: "Why are there missiles on stage?"
7:38 p.m. PT: The set-up continues, but it would appear the roast is about to begin. Camera has focused on a wall consisting of rocks with Sheen's face.
With a new movie on the books and Ashton Kutcher on "Two and a Half Men," Charlie Sheen continues his #winning act by submitting to a Comedy Central Roast Saturday night.
While the show will not air until Sept. 19, TheWrap is liveblogging for all you Warlocks and Trolls out there.
"Family Guy" creator Seth MacFarlane is the Roast Master while roasters include William Shatner, Mike Tyson, Jon Lovitz, Steve-O and the 'Roastmaster General,' Jeffrey Ross.
Check out the latest right here, and make sure to follow the #SheenRoast tweetahon.Related Articles: Charlie Sheen Totally Bombs in Detroit Charlie Sheen Back in Vegas -- On Stage!
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