Psychological effects of bullying can last years

Comments (10)
Robertbill wrote:

For better data, talk to people who are over 70 years of age. They are more likely to give you an honest answer. It takes a lifetime to overcome some sorts of abuse and to be able to talk about it objectively. When I was abused by my sisters 60+ years ago, some of the abuse was obvious (sexual abuse) but some was not. The constant comments about me being inferior had to have had an impact as I was growing up. Even today with one of them 80 years old and the other 75, they still lik, to tell me that life was really good “Until you came along”. 70 years and they stoll resnet my being born. Amazing. I no longer talk to either of them. I heard from a cousin that one of them may have died, but I don’t care enough to check it out.

Feb 21, 2013 1:48pm EST  --  Report as abuse
halligator wrote:

I was almost bullied to death.Attempted suicide at 15. Now I’m 50.I still have issues about things that happened in the 60′s & 70′s.Bullies grow up to be police cfficers.

Feb 21, 2013 2:01pm EST  --  Report as abuse
SandraL wrote:

I’m only surprised that anyone is surprised by this. I’m 47 and have severe social anxiety, generalized anxiety and PTSD symptoms.

And yes, if I had had even ONE adult when I was growing up tell me that what was being done to me was wrong, instead of either telling me that it was my own fault (“You must be doing something to encourage them to treat you that way”) or that I was imagining things, things might well have turned out very differently.

Feb 21, 2013 2:46pm EST  --  Report as abuse

My bullies were at home though—my big brothers. I was afraid to go home from school every day. I was verbally and physically tormented almost every day of my life until I was 15 and left. Now, I am a loving, social, devoted to my kids, empathetic (more compassion than most people) because I went in the opposite direction. I cant stand the thought of anyone feeling as bad as I did all my life. But I will tell you this, I secretly suffer from depression, anxiety, agoraphobia, I mean, ALOT of fear. When I have been bullied in the work place I run for the hills. I have quite countless jobs, just grabbed my purse and said good-bye. I cant handle mean people. But I did, finally, get an apology from my oldest brother recently (finally) he was in denial until he turned 55. He is married to a wonderful woman who teaches him how to be a better person. God, every time I would see him at a family gathering, he would verbally attack me and tell me either how stupid or ugly I am, right up until this past year. Once, at a retirement party for my stepmother, my stepsister was yelling at me in the kitchen to put the food on the plates faster for people, and I nicely asked her to back off (my brothers wife right there witnessed the whole scenario) my stepsister started yelling even louder at me and at that point my brother came in the kitchen and grabbed me by the throat and pulled me outside, threw me up against the wall, and told me he was going to kick my ass. I later found out that my brothers wife tried to tell my father and stepmother that it wasnt my fault, but they ignored her words. My other brother, well, he wound up being a drug addict, now in recovery, a supposed Christain, I AM SCARED TO DEATH OF!!!!! He is secretive and kaniving. He has no respect for me, verbally attacks me when nobody is looking, gossips with my ex-husband, etc. I really want to get involved more in this bullying thing and find out more and see when I can do to help others. It is a very very sad thing. I truly think this falls on the parents. I mean, I KNOW it does. My dad bullied the boys and made them feel like they had to be superior of others and my mother has just been a non. She also favors the boys, but mostly the drug addict. She feels so sorry for him and completely denies any of his wrong doings. I tell you, I can proudly say that, although I am so messed up inside about me, I put EVERYTHING I had into raising my kids and they all three adore each other. They are loyal, kind, giving, honest, and considerate adults now. But I am still pretty messed up.

I sometimes feel like I just want to shut myself in the house from the world (accept my close personal friends) because I have these trust issues. I am a hard working person who puts alot more then most into my job and you and I both know that puts lazy people off that work around you. I could not hold down a job because every time someone would get jealous of me, they would bully me and I would quit. The fear and anxiety I would experience, I realized, also came from not knowing how to stand up for myself. You see, every time I tried to fight for my life at home, my brothers got even worse and nearly beat me to death. I was punished for trying to stand up for myself. I have asked people nicely to not do what it was they were doing that was disrespectful, and if they keep doing it, I will either loose absolute control and go off on them (which is embarrasingly unprofessional in the work place) or I just leave and never go back. I would then find myself, the next day, sitting on the couch, crying, wondering what the heck is wrong with me.

My brothers were gorgeous and popular. Only a few of their friends saw how they treated me. My father didnt help matters as he showed no love or respect toward me either. My stepmother, of course, preferred her own daughter. But when I was around 15 years old, if I made myself look as beautiful as I could, working out, straightening my hair, putting on make-up, trying to get cute clothes from my real mother, etc., my brothers were nicer to me and their friends thought I was cute too. I became so obsessive about my figure and my looks that I never knew who I was on the inside. I worked at fitness centers and couldnt get enough attention from men. It ruined my first marriage. Everything I knew about myself was when I looked in the mirror. It took years of suffering (secretly on the inside, trying to be a great mother on the outside). I was what my oldest son called “the hotty mom”. Now, I am overweight, wear next to no make-up, wear my hair curly, and am married to a man who adores me and my cooking. It took me so many many years to find myself. I was so lost. I am not saying that women who teach fitness or workout all of the time are lost, but I was. I was obsessed with my body and my looks. I love to take hikes now, and if I can, I jog a bit. Excercise is healthy and makes me FEEL good. But I am not so much worried about the way I look anymore. My friends love me because I am loving and funny and a great cook. I love kids too. All of this makes me who I am today. But, not until I was at least 45 years old, did I know it. I still suffer from deep fear and anxiety. I worry if people are mad at me all of the time. I finally have a job where I am the only girl in the office. I manage it myself and its a perfect fit for me. I am nice to people, and I remember being verbally abused about that too. My brothers told me that I was weird and I liked weird people. “why dont you hang around with popular people?” I liked the underdog. Those people were kind and honest. I felt the popular girls just wanted to be my friend to get near my brothers. Yshelle, sorry for the long story, but I have wanted to get it out for such a long time and didnt have anyone, in my shoes, to share it with.

Feb 22, 2013 5:36pm EST  --  Report as abuse
americanguy wrote:

I was bullied in high school.
I was a little scared sissy boy most of my life.
I finally grew a pair and beat the guy up in a fight.
Now I am tough and strong because of the bully. I volunteered for the US Army after college because I was no longer chicken and I was strong.
I appreciate what the bully did.
I hate bullies and think they should be expelled, but it is not always a bad thing.
People need to stand up for themselves and quit being little scared sheep.
Jesus Christ (the most loving and peaceful Man that ever walked the planet) was a great example of standing up to bullies. He didn’t go running and crying to anyone.

Feb 23, 2013 10:01am EST  --  Report as abuse
Trueletterson wrote:

Yep bullying can have lasting psychological effects if the bullied are weak it will destroy them emotionally and some time physically, if the bullied are strong it will make them psychologically and emotionally stronger I was bullied in my younger years because I was fat it was hard my mother and father couldn’t help me but it made me psychologically and emotionally stronger, if the bullied is strong in most cases the bullied will become stronger than the bullies, it’s life it’s the nature of things like Clarence Carter said in his song in the nineteen seventies “Only The Strong Survive”, so we must stop coddling our children and make them mentally strong

Feb 23, 2013 11:16am EST  --  Report as abuse
paintcan wrote:

There’s probably some validity to this article. I can’t say from very much personal experience except once in Junior high when a kid shorter than me picked on me in the boys room and he made me loose my temper so I grabbed him in a head lock and hit back by banging him rump first into the bathroom walls and telling him to leave me alone. I think the only reason I didn’t try to slam him head first into the wall is, I couldn’t turn him around. But he was a pest and I think he just crossed the “personal space” line once too often. Once or twice he was getting “too familiar” and it was just insulting. But I would never have tried that stunt in the hallway because the teachers would have “bullied” me, I suppose and sent both of us to the office in spite of the fact that “he started it”. It was a good feeling, but not at all strong and it didn’t last long. I forgot about the incident until about ten or 15 years ago. The next time I saw him in the halls with a gang of other boys, he looked sheepish and embarrassed. But he ran back to his gang for comfort and support. Maybe I should have joined them? But I hadn’t been roughed up enough to understand them or identify with them,

The entire world tends to be “a bully”. The bullies feel bullied too. It’s so much easier to establish a chain of command or fealty through sheer animal force. It’s probably a surviving instinct of our primitive ancestors. It’s almost an unnamable comfort, because at least strength isn’t as easy to disrespect. Learning to fight back may be the better cure in spite of what Christian morality says on the matter. Anybody remember “Going my Way” and the playground boxing lessons? or Shaw’s “Androcles and the Lion” and the big Christian wagon lifter – I forget his name.

Life doesn’t have to be the choice between the role of long suffering silent victim and the role of Attila and the Huns. But really: people who don’t fight back, that is, who are displaying cowardice, may be why some people get bullied habitually. And other people get trapped in situations like the pecking order of a chicken coop or are being systematically abused by their own governments like North Korea. They can’t fight back because – as some people say “it’s my way or the highway”. Economic bullying is the way of the world. Entire populations are blighted by it and there aren’t couches and therapists enough to deal with that one.

Mothers and fathers of small children must be “bullies” at times somehow because the kid may not be ready to think for himself. The world and nature are not polite and are not that likely to have a “discussion’. Most of the time, it seems, nature barely “thinks” at all. It goes for the advantage when it can find an “inexpensive” meal.

If a fly lands on me – I’m inclined to swat it. Some people need to see your limits or they can’t get a handle on you at all. They will hate you because they don’t respect you. The bullied may not be worthy of respect in any real way that the person who is bullying you cares to imitate.

Feb 23, 2013 12:53pm EST  --  Report as abuse
augman wrote:

I think everyone needs access to a “public body guard”, someone employed by local government who is paid to deal out “whoopass” on bullies.

Feb 25, 2013 1:30am EST  --  Report as abuse
nancy16 wrote:

The emotional stability and status are the one being compromised once you are being bullied. Aside from that a lot of factors towards child growth might be affected because the child was a victim of bullying. This will affect the totality of being a person. Let’s protect them being bullied. Or who knows it could be their own safety being at risk for such maltreatment. Have this mobile phone safety where in we could press a panic button if we feel unsafe. Let’s prioritize our safety.

Feb 25, 2013 8:21pm EST  --  Report as abuse
azzarrashea wrote:

One of the most painful aspects of bullying is that it is resentful. Children who are bullied are usually afraid to speak out, even to parents and teachers. They fear that the bullying will get worse when they tell, and they are ashamed. These can make them risk for mental health problems, such as low self-esteem, stress, depression, or anxiety. They may also think about suicide, which we don’t want to happen to our children. However, parents can help their children by encouraging them to open up about it. It maybe difficult for parents to talk about, but it is important that children know they can talk to you, before they are involved in bullying in any way. I’m a mother who’s having a son who got bullied before through out his grade school days. And bullying has always been a tremendous concern for me. That is why, I thought of any possible way to help my son with his enduring pain to end. Good thing that one of my friend introduces me with this cell-phone based application for safety and protection. I was amazed with the service they have because if there is a real emergency, reaching 911 is much more easier and more accurate, for they are using GPS to locate the person does need of help. Here, you can also try this to protect your kids’ from danger.

Feb 26, 2013 4:17am EST  --  Report as abuse
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