Satirists advise Musharraf to catch bin Laden

By Simon Cameron-Moore

ISLAMABAD (Reuters) - Satirists from Lahore to Washington gave Pakistan's embattled President Pervez Musharraf simple advice on how to deflect the U.S. government's criticism of his imposition of emergency rule -- capture Osama bin Laden.

"Can you imagine the response from the U.S. if you justified the state of emergency by bringing in Osama in an orange jump suit," wrote James S. Robbins, a director of the Intelligence Centre at Trinity Washington University, in an article published in Pakistan's Daily Times on Friday.

"My advice is just go get bin Laden," Robbins advised in an article cast as a memorandum to General Musharraf from Niccolo Machiavelli, a political philosopher from the Italian Renaissance.

For all the militant threats present in Pakistan, foreign diplomats said Musharraf had made it clear to them this week that his main reason for invoking emergency powers and suspending the constitution was to stop the Supreme Court ruling his re-election in October was invalid because he had stood while army chief.

U.S. officials, more used to praising Musharraf for his role as an ally fighting al Qaeda and the Taliban, have been highly critical of his latest move. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice said Washington doesn't "have all its chips on Musharraf".

A humorist at the Friday Times struck a similar theme on the bin Laden ruse in the weekly magazine published in Lahore, the eastern city where the pulse of Pakistani politics beats loudest.

In an supposed transcript of hotline conversations between Musharraf and President George W. Bush -- a regular back-page column called "Mush & Bush" -- the Pakistani leader asks for "a little" patience in order for him to secure his own position.

Bush: How little?

Mush: Oh, only about a year or so and I can promise you I can deliver bin Laden to you ... and if you like I will destroy al Qaeda in Iraq and completely finish off world terrorism and...

Bush: Gee whiz!! Sounds great, you kin have all the time in the wo...

The exchange is then interrupted by another voice -- usually taken to be Rice -- telling Bush to tell Musharraf to quit the army and hold elections as promised.

On Wednesday, the real Bush said he had given Musharraf that exact advice in a telephone call. On Thursday, Musharraf announced elections would be held before February 15, and he would be sworn in as a civilian president as soon as new judges at the Supreme Court had struck down legal obstacles.

Pakistani English-language newspapers have kept up a barrage of criticism of the authoritarian measures announced on November 3.

But they lack the influence of private television news channels, which have flourished under Musharraf's rule. The president, stung by their criticism, ordered them taken off the air soon after assuming emergency powers last weekend.

(Editing by Roger Crabb)