UK TV magazine lists 25 top put-downs on the telly

LONDON (Reuters Life!) - JR Ewing witheringly dismissed his half-brother in Dallas, complaining: "Ray was never comfortable eating with the family; we do use knives and forks."

But Dynasty's Joan Collins would not be outdone by Larry Hagman's vile alter ego as she quipped to one hapless character

"I'm glad to see your father had your teeth fixed -- if not your mouth."

When it comes to the perfect putdown, soap operas offer a rich vein of scorn.

And now TV critic John Naughton has compiled the 25 best putdowns for Britain's Radio Times listings magazine -- from The Muppets to Blackadder and Cheers.

David Croft, co-writer of the hit British situation comedies "Dad's Army" and "Are You Being Served?", complained that the put-down had become much crueler over the years.

"I think there is a lot more unkindness in comedy than there used to be," he said.

"What I think is just as funny is the way the character reacts to a put-down. That is often where the laughs are."

U.S. comedy shows are renowned for their quickfire one-liners and the top 25 pays fulsome tribute to the best.

In "Cheers", the barfly Cliff complained "I'm ashamed God made me a man" to which Carla shot back quick as a flash "I don't think God's doing a lot of bragging about it, either."

The two old men on the balcony in The Muppet Show loved point-scoring off each other.

Statler once nudged Waldorf and shouted "Wake up, you old fool, you slept through the show."

To which Waldorf replied "Who's a fool? You watched it."

Mother-in-law jokes are a staple of British humor.

Take Ricky Tomlinson in critically acclaimed "The Royle Family."

When his mother-in-law Norma asked him "Is this hat too far forward?" Tomlinson replied "No, we can still see your face."

Blackadder reveled in acidic mockery with Rowan Atkinson saying of the stunningly dim Lord Percy "The eyes are open, the mouth moves but Mr Brain has long since departed, hasn't he, Perce?"

But pride of place for many goes to spoof talk-show host Caroline Aherne in "The Mrs Merton Show" when questioning Debbie McGee, the young wife and stage assistant of Paul Daniels one of Britain's most successful magicians.

Smile fixed firmly in place, she asked Debbie "So what first attracted you to the millionaire Paul Daniels?"

(Editing by Paul Casciato)