Death stalked Betancourt's captivity in Colombia
BOGOTA (Reuters) - Ingrid Betancourt began each day in captivity at 4 a.m. -- cold and depressed but awake in the dark waiting to hear her mother's words of encouragement over the radio.
She was haunted by thoughts of suicide and fears that she would be killed.
Often chained to a tree by the neck in secret jungle camps that were infested by insects and thick with mud, she lost her appetite. If she ate, she would likely vomit.
"Death is a hostage's most faithful companion," she told reporters on Thursday. "We lived with death ... and the seduction of suicide was always with us."
Held for more than six years by the Revolutionary Armed Forces of Colombia, or FARC, Betancourt was the top bargaining chip among 44 high-profile hostages that Latin America's oldest insurgency hoped to exchange for jailed rebels.
But on Wednesday, the French-Colombian national who was nabbed while campaigning for the presidency was suddenly free when the military duped the rebels into releasing her and 14 others.
Details of her captivity emerged from her accounts and those of other former hostages.
Aware other captives had been killed over the years during the lengthy conflict, Betancourt feared for her life, worried the FARC would kill her or that she would die in a battle with the military.
Like most freed captives, she said messages broadcast on the radio from friends, relatives and supporters were key to survival and helped ward off the boredom from the routine of days where rebels made her go to her hammock bed at 6 p.m.
'A SWEET OPTION'
What kept her going through the darkest moments, she said, were thoughts of her family, especially her daughter and son -- teenagers when she was captured and adults now.
Reunited with her children on Thursday, the 46-year-old vowed to stick to them like glue and never stop smothering them in kisses.
They kept her from drowning in what she described as a sea of despair.
"On each birthday, I sing them 'happy birthday.' ... Even if they bring a cookie or the usual food of rice and beans, I pretend that it is a cake and I celebrate their birthdays in my heart," she once wrote from captivity.
"I feel that my children are on 'standby' with their lives, waiting for me to get out."
Betancourt took up smoking while captive. She would use her cigarettes to trade for scarce essentials such as a slither of soap or medicine for her stomach ailments.
She bathed fully dressed to shield herself from her watchful male captors.
Asked if they raped her, she said: "I have had painful experiences ... but I don't want to talk about this here, now at this time of happiness."
Her attempts to escape captivity brought punishments -- being chained at the neck, deprived of food and made to trek between camps barefoot.
In the letter to her mother released last year, she wrote: "I've tried to keep my head above water, but Mom, I have given up ... Your daily suffering, and the suffering of everyone, makes death seems like a sweet option."
(Additional reporting by Luis Jaime Acosta; editing by Saul Hudson and Todd Eastham)
