Couples often differ in grief after baby loss

NEW YORK (Reuters Health) - Parents who lose a premature baby soon after birth often differ in their level of grief, and couples who talk about those feelings might fare better in the long term, a small study suggests.

In interviews with 22 couples who'd lost a pre-term baby two to six years earlier, Swiss researchers found that in general, the loss still had a "central role" in couples' lives.

But for 10 couples, the level of grief differed between spouses. When that happened, spouses also tended to differ in how they moved on from losing the baby.

The findings, reported in the journal Psychosomatics, suggest that if couples try to share their grief with each other, they will be more emotionally in tune over the long term, according to the researchers.

"Our research indicates that communicating about the death of a baby can be very important," lead researcher Dr. Stefan Büchi, of Hohenegg, the Clinic for Psychotherapy and Psychosomatics in Meilen, Switzerland, said in a written statement.

"It is natural to grieve alone," he added, "but if a couple is not communicating about the loss of their baby within the first year after death, I would encourage them to seek professional help."

For their study, Büchi and his colleagues interviewed the couples about their grief after their baby's death, as well as long-term depression and anxiety symptoms and "post-traumatic growth." That term refers to a person's positive personal growth -- such as gaining a better outlook on life -- in the wake of a trauma.

The researchers found that when spouses were similar in their level of grief -- as 12 of the 22 couples were -- they were more likely to also have similar post-traumatic growth over time.

The study also found that communication between partners appeared "crucial" in their likelihood of having similar levels of grief.

When couples do not share their grief with each other, they may become emotionally isolated, according to Büchi. In contrast, he noted, communication "encourages intimacy and the feeling of belonging together."

Larger, longer studies are now needed to fully understand the importance of "shared grief" in couples' long-term well-being, the researchers conclude.

SOURCE: Psychosomatics, March/April 2009.