August 31, 2011 / 1:45 AM / 8 years ago

A No Child Left Behind Act for Pink-Slipped Parents

My client was hysterical. She’s a mom and she was calling to tell me that she’d been pink-slipped from her six-figure job at Universal. She said she couldn’t afford paying me to take her son to the Brentwood School every morning this September.

I got other calls like that from Industry parents who were panicking about their child’s education during the current recession. With no limo, would their kids be able to help Hollywood compete in the 21st century?

That’s when I realized: Why not take the school to the kids!

When I told my fellow drivers that I was thinking about turning my limo into a charter school, they thought I was snorting bath salts. But September’s almost here, and I’m proud to announce that the Stretch Academy has enrolled its first class of six students.

We have a simple entrance requirement: don’t get car sick.

Other than that, a stretch limo is a safe, comfortable environment, which you can’t say about too many schools these days. It’s a one-room schoolhouse, only on wheels.

The Learning Circle, or back seat, holds a class of six or seven. The Stretch Academy has a morning and afternoon session. There’s Wi-Fi access. We use the HD video screen for lectures on film, art, science, calculus and foreign languages.

We have healthy snacks and un-sweetened drinks stocked in the limo’s backseat fridge. And for phys. ed., I drive the school to all the best places for fresh-air activities — the beach, the mountains — or I just pull over to the side of the road and make the kids walk. 

Best of all, students are exposed to real-world situations — even if they’re only driving by them.

The faculty is first-class. Hollywood is full of people who left low-paying teaching jobs. But when they hear that they can teach and ride in a limo, they jump at the chance.

These days you hear a lot about America’s failing schools and the need for educators to think outside the box. I’m trying to do my part so that when it comes to the future executives who will keep Hollywood on top, no child gets left behind.

And if they’re riding in a limo, they won’t be. 

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